Aphorisms - terse thoughts from the mortal mind of rock and roll

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Aphorisms and Mental Chatter

Aphorisms are terse, semi-poetic phrases or thoughts that embody a truism. I've thought up a few good ones, and many of the rest are more in the nature of mental chatter, things I say to myself quite often because I have been living alone for a number of years and I often have no one else to entertain. Occasionally, I put a little explanation in parentheses when I thought it might be helpful.

Why have it if ya' don't use it?
Living well is the best revenge!
I need the tender loving care of at least 3 nurses because I suffer from short term mammary loss.
Dr. Kevorkian's instant weight loss program (suicide)
Getting there is half the fun. The other half is nine tenths of the fun!
When you have the means, what you choose to surround yourself with reflects the true state of your inner being.
Life is all about learning, growing and having fun - and if you can do all three at once, that's the best way.
The shit is piling up in my life so fast, I need a pooper scooper the size of Jupiter.
I've had to put up with a lot of shit in my life, but one thing I don't have to put up with is bladder pressure!
Ever since I moved to sunny southern California, all I've encountered is a veritable blizzard of flakes.
Any woman who is really worth knowing needs to have her brain appealed to first.
I never project my personality on anybody. Nobody could possibly stand the weight.
Everybody’s an average person, and there are no average people.
Oh God - you're so odd.
You can't break out of a concentration camp unless somebody else takes down the wire fence.
When the Karmic Door is shut, even if you have the right key, the lock won't turn.
It's all coming unglued, unstuck, out of whack, and out of kilter.
Please don't make me take the whole thing apart!
The thing just happened all of its own Honda Accord.
And why I do this, I have no idea - but I do it anyway?
Rules are meant to be broken. That's why they call them rules.
It did a disappearing act.
Right as the Rains of Ranchipur
Residual awfulness
Mr. Clumsy strikes again.
Resign, accept, endure, live it through.
One wants more than a modicum of comfort.
I'm makin' a pretty firm decision and stickin' to it.
We'll just see what I do, when I do it.
And that's all I can do about that one!
There's nothin' I can do about it - not a blasted thing.
Oh, we're really havin' fun now!
What is it? How did it get there?
And here's somethin' else that don't belong.
Now THIS is no earthly good!
It's Alexander Goodenough.
A googol of "shit/fucks" isn't enough to express how I feel!
I need peace - I can't get no release.
I guess I'm seein' this one through to the bitter end.
It went right out that famous window, along with Ahimsa.
Retire, jettison, shitcan, expunge!
I'm bound and determined to get no new cuts or bashes.
Next thing is; I'll do that, and that, and then that.
The bony ass phenomenon (occurs while sitting on hard surfaces)
And why that is, I will never know.
And everything has to be . . . . . . perfect!
Perhaps this is my little infinitesimally small good idea for today.
A pig by any other name smells just as rotten.
This is another exercise in futility.
I gotta Martin Mull things over.
I John Lovitt.
To forgive is Andy Divine.
It's not always necessary to Wolf Blitzer it down. (eating too fast)
Now I'm gonna Wilson Pickett it to death.
There goes another successful masturbatory experience!
There's no babes - nothing remotely resembling a babe.
This is a disaster of epic proportions.
I'm doing it just for the halibut. (the hell of it)
Among the realm of impossibles
Hope springs anew . . . . . and is dashed again.
She's so spreadable, it's incredible.
It's the bland leading the bland.
Trade-offs - nothing but trade-offs
Once more into the breach
Who's the culprit? Who's the guilty party?
I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't.
Countermeasures! Emergency blow! (My nose, that is. From the movie "Hunt for Red October")
Hold on! I'm comin' around to all of it!
Just keep on puffin' and puffin' until this whole dreadful experience is over.
Let's see how this one plays out.
Let's see what kind of damage we can do.
It's fabulous fragment time. (having to watch bits of TV movies)
Smoke one for the idiot. (me)
Who knows? Even the shadow doesn't know.
And let's be really mean to the ______ who has done nothing at all to offend us.
So NOW waddoo I do?
Smooth as a squid in a barrel of glycerin
Divers do it deeper, flyers do it higher, musicians do it best of all because they never, never, never get tired.
I only make a mistake ONE TIME. And then I move immediately on to my next mistake!
Have a blast ! Knock yourself out !
My web site is www.starcrost.com, or in my case, not so calm!
Forgive the idiots and assholes for they know not what they do. (what I pray before I go to bed)
Put the Quietus on it.
The Arab tent factor
I'm in like a fat rat in a cheese factory.
I'm off like a herd of turtles!
I'm freezin' my gazutchkas off!
You can't polish a turd. (Gary Kelgren, The Record Plant, Sausalito) How true it is, Gary!
Stagger back, stagger back, flop back (what I do when I'm high on something and I'm trying to get into bed)
Sidle back, sidle back, flop back (what I do when I'm not high, and I'm trying to get into bed)
I seek oblivion. (after #89 or #90)
It's done when I say it's done.

And that's my final word on the subject of aphorisms - except:

Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke! (everybody in NYC says that)

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