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A funny thing happened to me on the way to the kitchen back in 2004. Zero Mostel's ghost materialized and exclaimed "I'm wearing a cardboard belt !" I knew that line from Mel Brooks' movie "The Producers" starring Zero and Gene Wilder and I remembered how much I love to produce my own great food. My problem is that nobody except Masa, Sakai, and Paul Bocuse can cook what I like to eat. Masa is dead, Sakai is in Japan as far as I know, and I can't afford to go back to Paul's restaurant in Lyon. Buying any kind of prepared food or eating in any local restaurant is simply out of the question. It's a complete waste of time and money. The big Zero's message occurred right after I made a decision to surround myself with only the kinds of things that have good associations for me and to cut everything and everybody out of my life that did not give me positive vibrations. The first thing I remembered was my barbecue sauce which I created many years ago. I make it "from scratch" using fresh garlic cloves and other secret ingredients. It's a killer and everybody who's ever tasted it agrees. I use it on chicken, shrimp wrapped in bacon, and shish-ka-bob veggies. The first thing I had to do was buy a Webber type grill and I was off like a herd of turtles in barbecue heaven.

The next thing I remembered was my chocolate chip banana cake. It was based on an old banana bread recipe that I had modified by increasing the number of fresh bananas to achieve a dense and very moist consistency instead of a crumbly cake consistency. Then I added semi-sweet dark chocolate chips and chopped nuts. Another killer, and I began to turn people on to it and watch them get oral orgasms. Of course, I had to go out and buy a vegetable steamer because I know that steaming is the only intelligent way to cook fresh vegetables. Boiling releases all the vitamins out into the water, makes them soggy and removes the good taste. The only exception is corn because no amount of steaming makes the corn tender enough, and I remembered that I like to put a bit of sugar and some milk into the water because that makes an average ear of corn taste sweet and delicious.

Some of my dishes are quite simple, just variations on existing dishes. For instance, simple mashed potatoes. I use Yukon Gold potatoes which very few people know about, and I add butter and grated Parmesano Reggiano cheese which is the best there is. I've never seen this particular combination served in any restaurant. Another example is my steak sandwich. Of course, I always barbecue steak because for me there is no better way to cook steak, which of course needs to be a good cut of steak like center cut prime sirloin, New York Steak, or filet mignon. My small variation on a steak sandwich is to use Thomas' English muffins instead of bread. Served between two pieces of toasted English muffin slathered with butter creates something way more delicious and different from what I've ever found anywhere. Another example of a meal which is not really a variation of anything but is simply outstanding because I use the highest quality ingredients is my typical scrambled egg breakfast. I use only the freshest Jumbo size eggs with a bit of milk added to make them fluffy before I scramble them, thick sliced bacon, and once again, a toasted Thomas' English muffin. A lot of times I omit the bacon because too much bacon is more fat than I want, but sometimes I use the steak I've barbecued for a classic steak and eggs breakfast. With any one of these breakfasts, I always drink high pulp fresh squeezed orange juice. There isn't a restaurant in the world which serves a breakfast like that, no question about it, if for no other reason than that their orange juice always stinks.

And now for a couple of my inventions which are different enough to classify them as being original recipes. The first dish is what I have named my "Golden Fritatta". A fritatta is an Italian dish that is really an omelette which has too many ingredients to be folded into an omelette shape. My fritatta is so thick that I had to buy a special large and deep frying pan with a clear glass cover so that I could cook it on a very low heat in order to melt the cheese while not burning the eggs. It starts with the usual fresh Jumbo size eggs together with a small amount of milk which I hand whip and pour into the bottom of the pan. Into that, I crumble previously cooked bacon and sauted Crimini mushrooms. Then I add a layer of aged sharp white cheddar cheese, previously steamed yellow squash pieces and cut yellow corn, and top it off with a second layer of cheese. The whole thing melts together and since all the visible ingredients are yellow, it's a "Golden Fritatta". The second meal has no name but if it were served to me in a restaurant and I paid over $30 for it I would be happy as a clam for a very good reason. I begin with fresh cheese filled tortellini and a home made white sauce made from a base of clams and clam juice. I cook some fresh shrimp and scallops, steam some zuchinni pieces and Crimini mushrooms, mix it all together and top it off with whole cashew nuts. It knocks both my socks off !

I would like to finish this page with my own version of the classic French dish called chicken cordon blue because it's a corker. I had tried to make chicken cordon blue before but I decided it's a pain in the neck to wrap the things up and hold them together for baking with toothpicks which somehow get stuck inside and I end up biting on bits of wood. I saw no reason why I shouldn't use a couple of baking pans, fill the entire pans and then cut slices from the finished deep rectangular shape. First, I put a bit of oil in the bottom of each pan to prevent sticking and then laid in three layers of sliced Black Forest ham. Next came a layer of sauted sliced Crimini mushrooms. Then came the filling which consists of cream cheese mixed with a lot of grated Parmesano Reggiano cheese to drown the taste of the cream cheese which I don't particularly like, and into that I mix baby sweet peas and cut white corn. I flatten the filling out over the ham and mushrooms and then cover the filling with boneless chicken breasts. In order to keep the moisture in the chicken and not end up with dried out tough chicken, I cover all that with a layer of bread crumbs and bake until the chicken is done. Now this one is nothing short of sensational. It keeps for a long time in the refrigerator, can also be frozen, and slices will microwave perfectly.

There's lots more, and apparently there will always be more because I keep on thinking up new things based on what I haven't had for a while, what I feel like eating, and what happens to be on sale at that time. But I feel like I get to eat in the best free restaurant in the world and I know that very few people understand and appreciate the level of eating experience that I've come to expect from myself. The southern California people who appreciate gourmet cooking either live in Laguna Beach or in LA and eat at Wolfgang Puck's Spago. I'm not jealous, but I would love to meet Puck or Emeril, and I'd roll over and die for a chance to meet Sakai. And then I'd be with Masa once and for all !