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Page 2 of 98
BAILIFF
I do NOT resemble Bull, your Honor. Do I, sir?
The judge looks at each character in turn, raises his eyes to the ceiling as if in prayer, inhales a long breath, exhales slowly, and then turns to focus his attention on Peter Cross who is seated at the plaintiff's table.
JUDGE
United States District Court is in session. We're on the record. Mr. Cross, where is your attorney?
Peter Cross always has a good hair day. He looks eternally young, sexy, and charismaticly vibrant in his gold corduroy sports jacket worn over a black T-shirt which has the full color Beatles Sergeant Pepper album cover on the front, with tight black jeans extending over brown boots. He stands up purposefully but respectfully, very slowly looks directly into the eyes of the judge, and holds his gaze while he speaks.
PETER CROSS
Your honor, I'm representing myself In Pro Per because I've learned the hard way that attorneys will not say what I tell them to say and my case is so important to me that speaking for myself is the critical factor. Of course, I don't necessarily understand all of the court's procedures so I respectfully request that you give me as much guidance as you can.
JUDGE
The Court does not provide legal advice or guidance, Mr. Cross. I must inform you of your right to representation by an attorney and warn you about the risk of representing yourself. Attorneys know proper court procedures. If you make any errors it's not our job to correct you. That's a risk you need to understand fully. Do you understand and do you still wish to proceed In Pro Per?
PETER CROSS
Yes sir, I do.
JUDGE
OK, you've been advised. Have you read the local rules?
PETER CROSS
I have, your honor. Three times to be exact and I still haven't figured some of them out.
JUDGE
Ignorance is not an excuse, Mr. Cross. This is exactly the kind of thing I'm warning you about.
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